inspired by my parents...
We rode the crest
of a million whiskey tears,
And outlived the rest
in hellish years...
My name is W. Gregory, and I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
Many Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs) have found that they have several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional household.
They have come to feel isolated, and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect themselves, they have become people-pleasers, even though they have lost their our own identities in the process. All the same, they mistake any personal criticism as a personal threat.
They have either become alcoholics themselves, marry them, or both. Failing that, they have found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholism, to fulfill their sick need for abandonment.
They live life from the standpoint of a victim. Having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, they prefer to be concerned with others rather than themselves. They get guilty feelings when they trust themselves, and ultimately give in to others. They become reactors rather than actors, letting others take initiative.
They have dependent personalities, are terrified of abandonment, and are willing to do almost anything to hold on to relationships in order not to be abandoned emotionally. They keep choosing insecure relationships because they match their childhood relationships with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.
These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made them "co-victims," ones who took on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. They learned to keep their feelings down as children, and keep them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, they often confuse love with pity, tending to love those they can rescue.
Even more self-defeating, they become addicted to excitement in all their affairs, preferring constant upset and chaos to workable solutions.
This is a description, not an indictment.
paraphrased from www.adultchildren.org/lit/Problem.s without permission...
About Me
- W. Gregory Bell
- Ivy-league educated broken-down collegiate athlete. "They shoot horses don't they?"
1 comment:
rode the whiskey falls
outlived time with beer and tears
and heard my last call
(I remember that poetry in motion too...) :)
I loved the follow-up to your poem, Greg. It sounds like an opening speech for a new visitor to a ACOA meeting... sadly interesting and I cringe when I say that I can relate all to well to several of the things you've said. I see too much of myself in your comments... (my dad was a heavy drinker when I was growing up, and I have some absolutely horrid memories from my childhood). There were times he'd disappear for days and when he finally came home, the fight with my mom would destroy me. And seeing him like that scared me to death. I didn't even know who he was sometimes. I can certainly sympathize with you and your situation, although I think your circumstances must have been far worse than mine. I've not been left with too many obvious scars from it, I don't think... I do drink, and possibly too much at times, and I don't have much of a relationship with my father unless we're both drinking now. It's a shame, really. Thank you for this post... is it part of the novel you're working on? And how's that going, anyway?
Talk to you soon,
Love,
K.
PS - Thanks for the happy wishes for my anniversary - my husband and I have a friend who sings R&B who used to perform it for us all the time when he was hosting karaoke out in Kananaskis Country back when we were first dating. He was our best man when we got married! ;)
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