The Wind of My Soul

After Cat Stevens' "The Wind..."

I listened to the wind
to the wind of my soul

Where I'll end up
Only God really knows

I lived upon the setting sun
But only, ever, ever, ever...
I only asked for water once

I listened to the words
to the words of my heart

They traveled down
down very far below

I swim upon the Devil's lake
Now forever, ever, ever...
I'll ever pay for that mistake

New Wild World

for LAS...

After I gave all myself to you
You went off to start something new
And you broke my heart with you're leavin'
I'm still grievin'

But now that you've gone, take good care
I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl

By now I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna hear that you're sad girl
Don't be a bad girl

But now that you've gone, take good care
I hope you made a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl

Baby, I loved you
But now that you've gone, take good care
I hope you made a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl...

After Cat Steven's "Wild World"...

Ancient Secrets

solemn spruces stand tall
shoulder to shoulder
reaching toward the moon
telling their ancient secrets
to one another

I just watched a documentary about Julia "Butterfly" Hill, and I remembered I had penned this poem last year...

Butterfly Hill became an environmental activist at the end of the 1990's after a severe automobile crash. Her notoriety came after a 738 day stay 180 feet above the ground in a 600-year-old California Redwood named "Luna." Her protest was supported by EarthFirst, and was the beginning of her Circle of Life Foundation.

www.circleoflifefoundation.org

www.earthfirst.org

Daydreamer

in the style of kameleon's "As Night, Death is Nigh"

Mutating thoughts rang furious,
usurping my painted memory,
encroaching upon indulgent daydream visions
of curvy girls with perfect jugs...

ACOA

Poison blood, venom wine!
Yesterday's alcoholic mystery concealed.
There's a constancy of anger,
With forgiveness and sin, my enigma.

Whiskey River

inspired by my parents...

We rode the crest
of a million whiskey tears,
And outlived the rest
in hellish years...


My name is W. Gregory, and I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

Many Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs) have found that they have several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional household.
They have come to feel isolated, and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect themselves, they have become people-pleasers, even though they have lost their our own identities in the process. All the same, they mistake any personal criticism as a personal threat.

They have either become alcoholics themselves, marry them, or both. Failing that, they have found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholism, to fulfill their sick need for abandonment.

They live life from the standpoint of a victim. Having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, they prefer to be concerned with others rather than themselves. They get guilty feelings when they trust themselves, and ultimately give in to others. They become reactors rather than actors, letting others take initiative.

They have dependent personalities, are terrified of abandonment, and are willing to do almost anything to hold on to relationships in order not to be abandoned emotionally. They keep choosing insecure relationships because they match their childhood relationships with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.

These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made them "co-victims," ones who took on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. They learned to keep their feelings down as children, and keep them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, they often confuse love with pity, tending to love those they can rescue.

Even more self-defeating, they become addicted to excitement in all their affairs, preferring constant upset and chaos to workable solutions.

This is a description, not an indictment.

paraphrased from www.adultchildren.org/lit/Problem.s without permission...

Pretty Contents

Found my being satisfied with pretty content
pretty well contends with my
just being pretty content with myself...

Scottish Ballerina

for kameleon

read to the rythm of "Tiny Dancer" by Sir Elton John...

green-eyed baby
yukon lady
wordsmith without gain

emerald eyes
private smile
chameleon hides its pain

ballerina
i want to see you
dancing in the rain

and now you're in me
always with me
tobi thompson in my head

morning people in your way
free papers in your face
turning back, now you can sigh
the morning ride was not that bad

annie lennox and her band
in an auditorium
looking on you sing the songs
the words you know, the tunes you hum

but oh how it feels so real
lying here with no one near
only you and you can't hear me
when i say softly, slowly

"Hold me closer tobi thompson
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me in Egyptian linen
I had a busy day today."

green-eyed baby
yukon lady
wordsmith without gain

emerald eyes
private smile
kameleon hides her pain

ballerina
i want to see you
dancing in the rain

and now you're in me
always with me
tobi thompson in my head...

...after Bernie Taupin

http://webexhibits.org/pigments/indiv/color/greens3.html

The End

for kameleon's "Paradox"

Demanding voice,
gnawing at my skull,
has crumpled me in the end.
Never heralded, I say goodbye...

Life

for the “Professor” (? - 2005)

The simple elegy
of a person's life experience
is impossible to decipher
through precious faded photographs
and strewn newspaper clippings...

Coffeehouse Shrink

for Gregory Paul Welling (1963-2006)

My friend's unwavering support,
tenaciously cemented in somber attentiveness,
is found hiding at the end
of his inescapable cigarette.

Days Without Daze

Although my life should mirror this eupeptic subterranean cycle of life, my brain chemistry will no longer allow it.
Long gone are the days of dazed commuting. Riding in tubes under the earth's surface. Walking amidst the rest of the financial district lemmings, without the slightest chance of missing the fresh air portal formerly known as the World Trade Center.
Gone too is the desire to kiss just one more self-important ass on the way to the top of the lower middle eschelon of some gigantic multinational megacorporation.
I'm now locked in the freedom of my own soul. Bound to the whimsy of my own thoughts. Having already outlived Buddy Holly and Elvis, I wonder if my candle has been snuffed by the apathy of my earthmates.
How much longer will I have to endure the ever-present butface of society. How many more raspberry mocha lattes are in my path?

Beauty in Disguise [With Glasses]

for Tobi Leah Thompson

As misguided ego clings to naive dream's deciet,
Her poisoned flames will surely burn complete.

Will love shed kameleon disguises born of heat,
Or vagrant smouldering ashes heed retreat?

In His Image - American Dream

"...our need to master
beasts with which we share this earth
they’re left endangered

an abyss of greed
our hunger threatens nature
resources pilfered

fate of our children
jeopardized by gluttony
a future withered

insatiable thirst
born of arrogance and pride
we are relentless..."(1)

Vile trappings of an ancient inheritance
found boarding in our hearts.

Revile [this] once-revered decadence.(2)


(1) From kameleon's "In His Image."
(2) W. Gregory Bell's "American Dream."

One Last Breath

Taught to serve a righteous God,
Who punishes each the same.
The simple act of being born,
brings with it sinful shame.
Since all have fallen short of God,
The wages of sin are death,
The only thing that's sure in life,
Is your last dying breath!

Sweet Siren (Explicit)

Sweet siren---Precocious with love's art,
You ferociously ended my innocence,
as your rosy lips dripped alabaster honey.

A Troubled Mind

Many great men have contemplated my painful soul;
Stretching their brilliance,
To fathom the will of a troubled mind.

Child of Nature

for Tobi Leah Thompson

I gaze through this window,
a self-imposed prison,
searching the skies for rain.

For I have seen clouds on the "Gold Coast,"
I've endured thunderstorms in Jamaica,
and I've weathered tempests in Hawaii.

My soul longs for the cleansing of rain,
for the release of a simple "rain dance."
A child, wild with the excitement of a muddy puddle.

Nature's children need to dance,
to express themselves as Adam and Eve,
alive before God, before corrupting knowledge and guilt.

My fellow child of nature, let's dance in the rain!

kameleon

for Tobi Leah Thompson

Changed by her priceless art,
Subdued desire reappeared,
Crystallized in love.

The artist's name: kameleon

Stress and Depression - a Devotional

A 2 March 2005 excerpt from the personal diary of W. Gregory Bell. Scriptures added 18 April 2007.

“Objects at rest tend to stay at rest… objects in motion tend to stay in motion…” Sir Isaac Newton.

Could these be the simple rules of health?

“If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it…” Unknown

Today, I face a crossroads in my life. I do not know how many choices I have, but I know of at least three (3): do nothing, do more, do less.

Doing less seems the easiest to eliminate – but not so fast. Tremendous strain has been placed upon me by myself and others, and having survived, I should take this opportunity to reflect about the sheer number of things that fill my life, and prune them back – pare them down – or just plain eliminate them. In my case, “Less is more.”

Doing more seems easy to eliminate since I have been in a constant state of overload for over ten (10) years. However, more needs to be done to move this sedentary body to a body in motion. This should not be an additional tasking, but a replacement of less fruitful activities.

Doing nothing, that is, leaving the status quo, is the option that should be avoided. It has been said that the definition of insanity is the continuation of an activity or process, without changing inputs, and expecting different results. Although I don’t consider myself insane, I do seem to repeat processes and activities that keep producing detrimental results.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I can use it for good or evil. Regardless, I am trading a day of my life for it, so I should do something good.

I need to avoid the trappings I accuse others of: egomania, pride, gluttony, lust, rage, spite, vanity, and jealousy. Seven (7) deadly sins.

The time has come for me to take inventory of myself – realizing that God has given me everything I need. I have added traits and customs that need to be discarded. I need to rely on God to show me the excess baggage of my life, and I will leave this burden at His feet. I will become a sleeker version of myself, forcing me to leave ideas and props behind that weigh me down.

When it’s time to thin the herd, I want to be able to run.

“My parents did the best they could…” I need to really accept this notion. It is easy to look back at grievous errors, but that time [has passed]. Over. Done. Never to be repeated. And, although they will never be able to undo these mistakes, I should not – I will not allow these mistakes to trouble me anymore.

God has healed me – I just have to accept that precious gift.

---

“As I was on the road … a very bright light from heaven suddenly shone around me.” Acts 22:6 NLT.

“He cuts off every branch that doesn't produce fruit …” John 15:2 NLT.

“… Depression haunts my days.” Job 30:16 NLT.

“Healthy people don't need a doctor…” Mark 2:17 NLT

“… he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.” John 15:2 NLT.

“… Change your ways. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace…” 2 Corinthians 13:11 NLT

“For you have been born again…” 1 Peter 1:23 NLT.

“… They should be rich in good works …” 1 Timothy 6:18 NLT

“… evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, eagerness for lustful pleasure, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness.” Mark 7:21-22 NLT

“He will give you all you need from day to day …” Luke 12:31 NLT

“… forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against …” Mark 11:25 NLT.

“… God's generous gift of forgiveness …” Romans 5:15 NLT